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Blueberry Bag
(Unintelligible) Guitars, how can I help you? Hello, this is Schneider. You sold me a guitar about ten days ago. Ok, what guitar was that? It's a Fender. It was for my brother's birthday. Ok. And, uhhhh, it's got some weird stuff going on with it. If you want to bring it in, we'd be glad to look at it. Maybe we could find you another one, err uhh, what's wrong with it? Well, we got it home and opened the case, and there was a bag of frozen blueberries inside... Frozen blueberries? This was a new guitar? Or used? I thought it was new. There was frozen blueberries in this guitar case? That is a new one. I can't say I've ever heard that one before. Ummm... I want to say everything he plays just sounds all sour, and it just sounds bad. It's nothing like it was in the shop. I have no idea, this was...what guitar was this? A Fender. Which Fender? Acoustic, electric, Telecaster, Stratocaster? It was your statndard "Made in Mexico". Ok, I'll just look it up. What's your first name? This is Schneider. My brother's name is Wade. I bought it for his birthday. I paid cash. Ok, what's your first name? Hey, I could be in there playin' "Whole Lot of Love" in 30 minutes, guy, but it's gonna sound like a whole lotta noise, 'cause this thing's fouled up. You got me? Ok, I, uh, actually I don't, but what's your first name again? What's the problem? What's your first name, so I can just look up what instrument it is. Can I just put you on the phone with my brother Wade? I'm just curious what guitar, so i can look it up soooo... It's a Fender! ...What is your first name? You don't remember me? No, we do see a lot of people. If you just give me your name, I will look it up and see what the story with this guitar is. Schneider, I told 'ya. Schneider's your first name? I'm gonna put Wade on the phone, and these blueberries were dated March of last year too. (phone ringing sounds). Ok, so is Schneider your first name? Wade is me brother's name. Wade, alright, and that's "S-C-H"? (A third voice is heard) Quit calling me you fuckin' idiot. (Sound, probably of third person's phone hanging up). Hello? Yeah. Alright, Wade, like "W-A-D-E", and your last name is "S-C-H-N-E-I-D-E-R"? No, that's my first name. These blue... Ok, your first name is Schneider. These blueberries were marked March of... "S-C-H"... ...2013! ..."N-E-I-D-E-R"? Ok, let's see what we got here. That's how old these blueberries are. And it was slimy, and the whole thing was... Well, I don't know anything...That's why I'm trying to get to the bottom of this, So...Alright, your first name, can you spell your first name? Just like it sounds. "S-C-H"? Yes. "N"? Yes. (Phone ringing sound). "E...I-D-E-R"? (Phone ringing sound) Yes! And your last name Schneider? Wade, is my brother. (Phone ringing sound). What's your last name? Here, I'm just gonna put him on the phone with me. (Third voice) Yeah, what do ya want, bro? Alright, we'll try this again, 'cause we're really tryin' to help you out here. So your first name is Schneider? Right? (Third voice) No, I'm gonna block your number if you don't quit. You're just fuckin' stupid, and you must be bored. (guitar store man) Are you talking to me? (Third voice) No, you fuckin' idiot! (hang up sound) (LPC voice) I am trying to get this guitar thing worked out. Because it's all screwed up, it sounds sour... (Guitar store man) Ok, your first name is Schneider, what's your last name? ...everything sounds flat. What is your last name? If I played ya "Whole Lot Of Love" right now, it'd sound like a whole lotta nothing. Ok, listen, why don't you come into the store, 'cause we're not getting anywhere on the phone. I need your last name. Uhhh, Webb. I've told you twice at least. Alright, one more time, Schneider what is your last name? I'm Schneider, my... AND YOUR LAST NAME? ...is Webb. And my brother's name is Wade. (Call is hung up, and then store is called back). Thank you for calling Guitar Center, this is Chip. Chip, I was workin' with a different rep, I should probably stick with 'em, named Peter. Uhhh, he's not available right now, how can I help ya out? I got my brother here. I don't know a thin about guit-arrs, could he talk to my brother real quick? Yeah, I could do that. Just talk to Alex. He got the guitar, it's a Fender. (phone ringing sounds). Made in Mexico. (Phone ring). Ok, now why is the phone ringing right now? (Phone ringing sound). I'm putting you through to my brother. Have I got guitar center? Have I got Guitar Center on... You have got Guitar Center. (Phone ringing sound)... (Third voice, presumably Alex Trebek) Hello? (unintelligible) I'm not sure who I've got here. (Third voice) Who you calling? (LPC) Alex. (Third voice) I'm Alex. "A-L-E-X", Uh-huh. (Guitar Center) Sir, I'm trying to figure out why your phone keeps ringing here. (Third voice) I have no idea. (Guitar Center) Ok, bring your guitar into the store. (Third voice) Oh (sigh) somebody's jerking us around. They've got my number, and they usually manage to cross connect me with somebody in Atlana or Chicago, or...They think it's fun. (Guitar Center) Ok. (Third voice) Ok. (Hang up sound). (LPC) Alright Chip, listen up. Ok, I'm gonna ask you one question, becuase I'm aware that you took up a lot of one of my salespeople's time (phone ringing sound) and you didn't get anywhere. I worked with Peter. That's who i worked with, now I want to talk to him. (phone ringing sound) There was frozen blueberries in this case here, too, by the way. (phone ringing sound) Right, yes, I understand that, but sir, (unintelligible) about to call the cops and tell them that you're prank calling us because you aren't giving us any information. (phone ringing sound). You understand? What do you mean? I'm not gonna let you do this anymore, so I'm gonna hang up with you, and you're not gonna call back unless you're gonna call back with some useful information, and a rational mind. How's that sound? What do you want to know? My name's Schneider. How do you spell that? Just like it sounds. Well, is it "S-C-H," is is "S-N-Y"? I can't tell how it sounds. "S-C-H", Schneider. (phone ringing sound) And I bought a "Made in Mexico" Fender, for my brother, in cash, from Peter. Well, I understand that, but you were just leading Pete on a wild goose chace here (phone ringing sound) and all he was tryin' to do was find out your name. (phone ringing sound). What are you ta... Also, I'm trying to figure out why you phone keeps ringing here. A wild goose chase? (phone ringing sound). So, I'm gonna hang up, and until you can get your phone fixed up, please don't call, ok? I gonna fix your face. (End) Category:Celebrities Category:Music Category:Audio juggling